I was really getting an earful. The Dog knew things about my neighbors that I would have never even guessed. Like the grocer from downtown visiting my neighbor during the day. And I almost married that jerk once upon a time! Well, we were engaged… sort of…oh, all right! I dated him for a couple months, until he decided to marry someone else. But it had been less than a year, and she showed up pregnant right after the wedding, so I guess I was lucky I dumped him… OK!!! He dumped me. Are you happy now? Jeez, can’t I even keep my pride?

Anyway, we were really getting into it, when I heard a sound behind me. Before I could do anything, a British voice screamed "You bloody idiot! What have you done?" a small orange blur streaked past me and launched itself at the dog. Now let me tell you, you ain’t seen nothin’ till you’ve seen a 5 pound cat knocking the shit out of a 120 pound husky/pit bull. That Dog spun in circles, howling and screaming, with that little orange fur ball attached to his face. The Cat was shrieking and screaming like he was being killed, but the Dog wasn’t able to lay a paw on him. The poor Dog couldn’t see a thing, since both of his eyes were covered with a little orange belly. It took some work, and a bucket of cold water, but I finally managed to detach the cat and upend a milk create over him. I stood on the crate, since he was still spinning and spitting in fury.

You know, I’ve been around a bit, but that cat used words I’d never heard before! I was starting to worry about his blood pressure, since he is ten years old, but about that time he began to wind down. I don’t think he gave up, he just ran out of breath. Finally, I was able to get down and check the dog. I soothed him and cleaned the blood from his face. I was quite relieved to see that both of his eyes were still where they belonged. The Dog and I sat and stared at the Cat, who was still breathlessly swearing a blue streak.

"You know," I said in a conversational tone, "the Dog isn’t the only one who screwed up."

The Cat gave me a look that sent shivers up my spine. He just snarled.

"Did you happen to hear yourself?" I asked him with a smile. "I understood nearly every word you’ve said since you came in the room." The Dog lifted his aching head with a start. Obviously, he hadn’t realized that the cat was speaking Human.

The orange tail swished from side to side, but the swearing halted. I could see he was thinking it over. "Not that it really matters," he snapped. "The bloody dog obviously gave you the password. What difference does it make?" But he sounded a bit unsure.

"Password?" I exclaimed, as the Dog groaned. "There’s a password? And it works on any animal? Ok, somebody tell me, and I mean RIGHT NOW!"

"Now who’s an idiot?" the Dog growled. "She thought it was just me. Now she knows, and I’m not the one who spilled it."

Of course, the two of them had to argue for a while about whose fault it was, but I interrupted by demanding the password again. Both animals went mute in all languages. I begged, pleaded and threatened until I was exhausted. All three of us sat there, glaring at each other. Suddenly, we heard a faint chuckle. Three heads came up, searching the room. The chuckle grew into a full-fledged belly laugh before we spotted it. A rat. Behind my fridge, peeking at us. The Dog launched himself at it, and the Cat had regained enough strength to flip the milk crate. Now, that’s a big side-by-side fridge I have, and it’s full of….well, whatever leftovers turn into after a few weeks…or months. Whatever. We all three stepped on each other trying to get to the rat, but he just backed into the corner where we didn’t stand a chance.

He disappeared into a hole in the baseboard, but reappeared seconds later at a hole near the ceiling that I’d never noticed. He was still laughing at us.

"Yo, man!" he chortled. "I tell ya da word! I no care! I is rat. Nobody lika me anyway."

Oh, I know where he came from! Just look at the garbage piled around the trailer next door. I was starting to really dislike my neighbor. I’m not sure, but I think she brought the tequila last night, too.

Now this was a tough decision. Do I give up on my quest for the password, or do I become allies with a nasty rat?