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KIDS AND GUNS Copyright Audrey J. Shaffer, June 2001 These school shootings point out a serious problem in our society today. People talk about them as if they are a stand-alone problem, but I see it as teenage road rage. Is there a difference, other than the age of the perpetrators and the victims? What has happened to personal responsibility? Today's kids don't seem to know what that is. Forget the kids, half the adults in the world don’t take responsibility for their actions. Road rage is just one of the most violent examples. Look at the newspapers. It seems that everybody wants to talk about their "rights". When did personal rights become an excuse for hurting or using someone else? Our prisons are health clubs with locked doors. Why can you hurt or kill someone, and have the "right" to a free college education, cable TV, and good meals? What kind of consequence is that? Yes, you’re right. Prison reform is a subject I feel strongly about. But that’s another topic. My children marvel at their friends. These kids seem to think that everything they want should be handed to them on a silver platter, and they get angry when it isn't. My younger daughter is 19, married with a baby, and going to college. Over half of her friends are flipping burgers or running cash registers, if they work at all, living off their parents, and partying every weekend. She can't understand it. My 14 year-old son got a job last summer, so he could buy things that he wanted. With his first paycheck, he took me out to dinner. When there is something he wants, he doesn't even think of asking me for it, he works for the money to get it himself. He has more money in his savings account than I have in mine. He tells me constantly about his friends being given expensive gifts and toys. He says his friends don’t know anything about money. Most of them don’t even understand the point of savings. Money is to spend. You can always get more from mom or dad if you need it. This tells me two things. One; the younger generation is a mess. Two; somehow, I managed to do something right in raising my kids. Not easy when you're basically doing it yourself, quite often working two jobs. But I was willing to listen, to them or their friends. There is a large group of 19-22 year old kids around this area who call me Mom. In a lot of cases, I knew more about what they were doing than their parents knew. And lately my house has begun filling up again with a new batch of teenagers. I'll do the same for them. Nothing special, nothing outstanding, just be there to listen. We have been discussing this topic in a club I’m in. Someone mentioned the
old fairy tales that we (meaning my age group) read when we were children.
Violent, nasty stories...yes. And the younger generations were
"spared" these terrible stories. BUT...
When I was little, I kept a stick in my bedroom. If I had to go to the bathroom
during the night, I swept the stick under the bed first, to make sure there was
nothing waiting for me. The stick went to the bathroom too, in case a monster
was hiding in the shadows. I felt safe at school, because I knew monsters
wouldn't dare come out with all those other people around. Today, the monsters
are people. Frightened children use their "sticks" on other children. Even other kids. My friends and I used to link arms when walking, hug to say hello and goodbye, just generally touch each other. Walk down the hall with my boyfriend of the moment, holding hands. Today’s kids are taught not to touch. Schools have policies forbidding touching. When walking down the hall, keep your hands in your pockets, so you don’t accidentally touch someone. Don’t under any circumstances invade someone else’s personal space. There ARE consequences for touching, and they are well known. Look at the amount of sex between children today. Not just teenagers, much younger children. There are kids having sex today in 4th and 5th grade. Why are our children so obsessed with sex? Could it simply be the only socially acceptable way to get someone to hold you? Think about it. Touching is considered sexual harassment in schools. So children are taught from a very early age that touching means sex. If you feel the need to have another human being touch and hold you, you must be wanting sex, right? So they don’t know how to stop with a hug or holding hands. Or fighting. Slapping, pinching, punching. How much of the fighting in schools is simply the overwhelming need for human contact? You hit someone, you might get detention. You put your arm around someone, you get suspended, and possibly hauled into court for sexual misconduct. Which consequence is easiest to live with? I remember teachers putting their hand on my shoulder, and saying "Good job". The compliment was nice, but it meant so much more with the human contact. A teacher today could be fired for touching a student. My son came home one day a few years ago, with an amazing story. A teacher had put his hand on Rich’s shoulder when he talked to him. My boy smiled for days. Human contact. Back to the babies who don’t get touched and held. The ones who survive can have severe emotional problems. They don’t know how to relate properly to other human beings. They may have a hard time loving other people. They can be emotionally dysfunctional. They may be more prone to anger and violent behavior. They may be social misfits, quite often loners. Now, give me a description of the kids who shoot other kids. My opinions only. But hopefully I have given you something to think about. Everybody says "But how do we fix this problem?" I don’t have answers, I only have my feelings. Knowing that I’m risking jail time, I will continue to touch a teenager on the shoulder or arm when I say "How are you?". I will put my arm around a lost and lonely child, whether their parent would approve or not. The telephone company says "Reach out and touch someone". But they don’t mean literally. I do. So, I will leave you to your thoughts. I need to go hug my son.
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